Fill the Well: How to Support a Foster Parent Before They Need You

There are moments in this work that stop me in my tracks, moments where I get to witness what a village really looks like.

Recently, I got to witness one of those moments through a soon-to-be foster parent who first came to Foster Village Charlotte as a volunteer. Through that experience, she began learning more about foster care, asking questions, and doing what we always hope people will do: becoming informed enough to discern whether fostering was a journey she could step into. Through Foster Care 101 and ongoing conversations with our team, she decided to move forward, choosing a private agency to begin the licensing process and to prepare her home for children during a time of crisis.

Then, I got to witness something even more beautiful.

On an unseasonably cold Saturday in May, 19 people boarded planes and showed up for her.

She called it a “Foster Shower Weekend,” but it was so much more than gifts or celebration. It was her village choosing to step into the learning with her.

For two hours, they gathered in our Resource Center and peppered me with thoughtful, honest, curious questions about foster care, what it is and what it isn’t, what support really looks like, and how they could show up well for her in the years ahead. No question was off the table.

It was remarkable to witness.

Because this is what a village does, not just cheering from the sidelines, but actively learning so they can support someone well.

At the very end, one of her aunts asked me a question I won’t forget:

“What do we need to remember most about how to support her, especially when we live so far away?”

My answer came quickly. Don’t add to the emotional labor.

We are all wired for stories. We want to know what happened, to understand the details, to hear the hard parts. But foster parents are often carrying stories that are not theirs to tell, especially the stories of children and their families.

Instead of asking her to recount every hard thing, show up for her by adding to what she called “The Well,” support she can draw from when her own cup feels empty.

Support that doesn’t require explanation.
Support that doesn’t need a story attached.
Support that simply says, we thought of you before you needed us.

She put it this way:

“Since I started the process of becoming a foster parent two years ago, I have been collecting all the ‘stuff.’

To pass my home study, I needed to have all the essentials in my home, unpacked and ready to use.

On top of that, I have the support of the amazing Foster Village Charlotte, which can find just about any item I need that I don’t already have.

So when it comes to gifts, I have all the ‘stuff.’ What I can never have enough of is my Village Support.

Every foster parent I’ve met talks about how phone calls, texts, and visits from their friends and family keep them going, but there are times when you can’t connect directly with your village.

In the middle of the night, or during a big day in court, or through a period of extreme dysregulation, these are the moments when foster parents can feel isolated and defeated.

Anticipating the long nights and the hard cases ahead, I’m building myself a ‘well’ of pre-packaged support that I can dip into when my cup needs refilling.”

And honestly? I can’t stop thinking about it.

Because there is no “right” way to fill someone’s well.

Maybe it looks like:

● a special card

● a favorite recipe

● a motivational podcast

● a stupid joke

● a really good book

● a song

● a craft project

● a mantra

● a piece of art

● a favorite DoorDash order

Or maybe it’s something deeply personal that reminds you what keeps you going when life feels heavy.

What keeps you grounded when you’re ready to give up?

That’s what goes in the well.

I have no doubt her village will show up beautifully for her in the years ahead. And I also know this is the reality for so many foster parents, especially those navigating foster care in a city far from where they grew up, without family nearby, building their village as they go.

This weekend reminded me of something important that we say all the time at Foster Village Charlotte:

Foster parenting doesn’t happen in isolation. It was never meant to.

It takes a village willing to learn, willing to ask questions, willing to show up not just when a child arrives, but in all the quiet moments in between.

So if you’re a new foster parent, or almost done becoming one, put us in front of your village.

We’ll say the things they need to hear. We’ll help them learn alongside you. And together, we’ll help them fill your well, too.

Because when we support a foster parent well, we are doing something far bigger than showing up for one adult.

We are helping ensure that a child in crisis has what they need most: a regulated, supported caregiver who can offer safety, connection, and resilience in the moments that matter most.

One of the most powerful things we can do for a child is to fill the well of the adult caring for them. Because caregiver resilience is one of the greatest predictors of a child’s resilience, and that kind of support changes everything.